2-3-4 Friday 

‘Seeking to spark the most potential within you per word of any online newsletter’

 

1 thought

I used to think in terms of polarities. Yes, no. This or that. Hardly in shades. But a recent incident made me think otherwise. I shared last week about how someone told me that she didn’t want to talk to me. I started to think in terms of polarities. 

All women don’t want to talk to me! 

I will never get a partner! 

It was tempting to stop talking to all women, especially when I thought in terms of polarities. It was either all in or all out. Wasn’t it? 

But then I realised that wisdom lies in the balance. It lies in balancing probabilities, weighing possibilities, and realising that answers aren’t often a 100% yes, or a 100% no. 

It’s more likely that it’s a ‘yes’, with a 60% chance of it having the outcomes you think will result. If we take this thinking of shades into the rest of our lives, we give ourselves the probability to transform our thinking. 

How so? 

You stop worrying about getting the correct answer. Rather, you realise that there’s no correct answer, only an answer that works or does not work. 

You stop looking at no-s as hard edges, with no possibility of negotiation. Rather you see a ‘no’ as a ‘no for now’, but not ‘no forever’. The tendency for us is that once we hear a ‘no’, we pull back, and we stop thinking about the shade of no it is. 

Is it a 90% no?

Or is it a 60% no with a probability of agreement if adjustments are made? 

When we start thinking in shades, we start taking the improv’s position of ‘yes, and’. We start looking at how we can make things possible, rather than improbable. Because we so often close ourselves off to potential outcomes and solutions, by sticking to our polarities, rather than to step back and think,

What if? 

 

1 talk

“Otherwise, someone else would have solved it. So you wind up dealing with probabilities. Any given decision you make you’ll wind up with a 30 to 40 percent chance that it isn’t going to work. You have to own that and feel comfortable with the way you made the decision”

• Obama, profiled in Michael Lewis’ Vanity Fair article “Obama’s Way”

 

1 tip 

How do you think in shades? One thing that helps me is to first be aware of my tendency to have black or white thinking. Once you’re aware of this tendency, you see the times when you take extremes. Anytime you notice yourself speaking in absolutes such as:

• No one will ever like me! 
• I will never be hired! 
• He must be horrid!

Take a step back and ask if there’s a better middle ground. Explore the possibility of ’and’. What if he could be harsh and kind? What if I could say ‘yes’ and ‘no’? 

Be wary whenever you find yourself tilting to extremes. 

 

P.S. Want to think differently about a problem you're facing? Talk to me, (and no worries, there's no fee!)

 

John

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