2-3-4 Friday 

‘Seeking to spark the most potential within you per word of any online newsletter’

1 thought

Recently I had an acquaintance who complained to our mutual group of friends that I hadn’t replied her messages. A friend had to take me aside to tell me that it wasn’t okay that I took so long to reply. 

 

How fast do you reply messages? Is it okay not to reply? 

Depending on your answer to that, you may realise that you’ve unwittingly fallen into one of modern society’s conventions (that don’t enable thriving). 

 

That convention is:

Every personal message (notification, email, WhatsApp, comment) needs a response. 

 

It doesn’t. 

 

This principle has worked well for me, 

You don’t owe anyone a reply. 

 

Think about it this way. You don’t reply every cold call that comes in asking for a purchase, right? 

 

But the clever engineers behind your phones, apps and devices have manipulated our human psychologies so that we will fall prey to it. Its there in the red notification bubble that’s designed to prompt anxiety. Or the tantalising number of unread emails in a small bracket on your tab, calling out to you, saying you’re needed.

 

It’s why you and I can’t stop looking at our phones when they are on our tables. Every ping grabs our attention. And when you lose control of your attention, you lose control of many things. 

 

That’s why you can’t give your attention away. One of the most painful things I see on a weekly basis is whenever I go to a bus-stop and wait for a bus. 

 

There would be a mother or father with a young child. That child is trying desperately to get their parent’s attention. He’s crying. He’s clawing at his parent. He’s trying to talk to his parent. That parent is instead scrolling through his phone, never fully present. 

 

What do you lose when your child can't even get your attention?

1 talk

1 tip 

Go to your apps, and switch off every notification. 

That way, you’re in control and look at the app when you want to, and not because the app wants you to. Subtle difference, but very significant. 

 

And if you think - people need to contact me, and I need to reply, when the message comes in… come on. Let’s be real. If they NEEDED you, they would call you. They would stop at nothing to get you. 

 

Take yourself less seriously, seriously. 

John