2-3-4 Friday
‘Seeking to spark the most potential within you per word of any online newsletter’
1
thought
I’ve been trying to figure out the answer to this question recently.
Why do good people fall in love with abusive people?
You see it very often. An abusive woman takes it out on her husband. A husband emotionally blackmails his wife.
So on and so forth.
And after reading Dr Glover’s ‘No More Mr Nice Guy,’ I think I know why.
Because the good people don’t think they are deserving of anyone better. They find people they can, rather than people whom they are worthy to be with.
They are drawn to messes because it distracts them from their own mess.
And this concept is important in your own personal friendships. Sometimes, we stick to friendships that may not be the best for us, but which we continue to be
in anyway, ‘just because’.
That person may be someone you’ve grown up with. Or someone who once did something special for you.
But friendships shouldn’t just be kept because of old time’s sake. They also need to be reevaluated in light of the present.
Some may say this is cruel, and ruthless. But you only have a certain number of hours in a day, and choosing how you’re going to spend them, is important. If
you’re choosing to put time in a friendships that leaves you feeling drained, and worse about yourself, forget it.
I recently had a friend who met me, just to tell me that he felt I was wasting money on trying to publish my books. He tried convincing me to stop.
Well, he can stop his own dreams. I’m not going to stop mine.
Some people just aren’t worth your time. And if you’re going to continue taking your time like charity, you can be rest assured, others are going to treat you
like charity.
1 talk
In order to balance his fear of
vulnerability and fear of abandonment, a Nice Guy needs help.
He finds it in people who are equally wounded and also have difficulty with intimacy.
Together they co-create relationships that simultaneously frustrate all parties while protecting them from their fear of being found out.
1
tip
Cutting friendships isn’t cruel.
It’s kind.
You’re doing the best for yourself, and the other party. After all, if you outgrow a set of clothes, you
wouldn’t force yourself into it. Or if your figure means that a certain set of clothes will make you look fat, why are you continuing to force it onto yourself.
So many of us force ourselves into friendships that are no longer fit for purpose.
Know this.
Friendships are mutually affirming relationships that become a mirror to reveal your flaws, and help you become better.
The moment this stops, is time when you should start reevaluating your friendships.
P.S. Want to think differently about a problem you're facing? Let’s chat (and no worries, there's no fee!)
John
Live Young, Live Well - Work Your Love