2-3-4 Friday - how to make friends as an
adult
‘Seeking to spark
the most potential within you per word of any online newsletter’
1 thought
If you’re an adult, you might see yourself saying some version of this of your friendships.
It feels like I can’t connect anymore with my friends.
They have moved onto things like marriage, or a new job, and I can no longer relate to them as it seemed like in school.
They don’t seem to have time for me.
It isn’t that they have moved on. It’s that you have moved on.
You’ve closed the door on the friendship.
And you believe, rightly or wrongly, that new friends are required.
If you look at the idea of Friends, what are they actually?
- People to
have a laugh with?
- People who you don’t have a commitment to?
- People who just help you feel less lonely?
I beg to differ.
I think in your inner circle of your closest 5 friends, you can and should treat them as a commitment, and not just someone you walk away from when things get tough.
Dunbar, a British anthropologist, found
that the average person’s social network maxes out at 150 emotional connections.
He found that most people have about 5 people who are extremely close to them, about 15 who are in regular contact with them and emotionally crucial.
50, who are strongly and emotionally connected to them and 80 who are slightly less connected but still a strong and important presence in their lives.
5, 15, 50, 80.
It’s the number 5 we want to focus on.
The outer rim of friendships will shift and adjust based on your station in life, such as your workplace, your faith community, or where you are in the world.
But the inner circle of 5 is likely the ones who have known you the
longest.
And making an effort to
keep them close, really close, matters.
Making more friends is right and good, but keeping your best friends is worth the effort. Because no one has a better grasp of you than they do, and you can always go to them when you need to bounce something.
Sure, you might feel that in the short term, you can find someone who understands you better.
But in the longer term, you might lose something important.
You might lose the friend, who’s seen you through the years.
Here’s a caveat. If that friend no longer adds to your life but pulls you down each time you meet, talk to him about it. If he doesn’t change , change your friend.
1 talk
1 tip
How do you keep the inner 5 close?
Share with them what you’re struggling with, regularly. Don’t just keep it to
yourself, or feel like you’re burdening them.
They shouldn’t be people you have to put up a front with.
- Don’t wait for them to initiate the meeting.
You initiate it and be the hub of social activity.
You take the responsibility for the things you want, like these friends.
- Don’t keep it textual. Keep it contextual.
Don’t just text. Come on. We can do better as friends.
If you’re in the same place, meet. If you’re in different places, overlap cities when you travel.
You might wonder why this matters.
Again, I say,
You’re the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with. Make those 5 the ones who add the most.
John
Live Young, Live Well - Work Your Love
Think others might benefit? I’m counting on you. Forward this on.