2-3-4 Friday 4 Mar 2025

‘Seeking to spark the most potential within you per word of any online newsletter’

1 thought

A week ago, I was in Khon Kaen, a small city north of Thailand.

I met a lady from China who told me about how she’d stayed there for the last 30 days. I wondered why.

People would normally go to the bigger cities to have fun.

She enjoyed the pace of life, and how it was slower than what she was used to.

She shared about how in China, children would wake at 610am, go to school, have classes till 3pm, before having more extra tuition classes till 9pm. They would then go home to finish their homework till 1130pm, before sleeping.

Wake again the next day at 610am, before repeating the whole process.

She told me about how the Chinese people now admired other countries for helping their children enjoy play, sports, and different aspects of life.

When she went to the basketball court, and saw kids playing soccer and basketball there, she said she wished her own child had such a childhood.

Parents always wish they could do better. And for a long time, I did wish my parents did better with how they brought me up.

And you might feel the same. I definitely cannot fully understand the scope of what you’ve gone through in your life.

Recently a friend told me about how she felt that blaming her parents for what had happened in her life was a never ending spiral. She said,

Parenting is never easy, and I think my dad did the best with what he knew, at that time.

Yes, he could have done some things better.

But I think our parents do the best they do to provide for us.

They don’t set out to harm us.

They only do their best with the circumstances they know how to.

Assuming the best, rather than the worst of them, might work better.

1 talk

Sometimes, assuming the best rather than the worst of people can leave us in a better place.

1 tip

Of course, I don’t know what your parents are like.

And I’m sorry if writing the above has sounded unempathetic to you and your circumstances.

It wasn’t my intention.

I have worked with my therapist for the last 9 years over my parents (you probably would be bored too if you were my therapist).

A useful rule of thumb he gave me was,

hurt me once, shame on you.

Hurt me twice, shame on you.

There is a limit to how nice we can be to parents who persistently hurt you.

The first few times it happens, we can forgive them and move on, and tell them that it did hurt.

But when it happens repeatedly, maybe it’s time to move on.

John

Live Young, Live Well - Work Your Love

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