2-3-4 Friday
‘Seeking to spark the most potential within you per word of any online newsletter’
1 thought
A few days ago, I was spending some time with older people in Kyoto, Japan.
We were in a home that was converted into a bar, with the kitchen of the home set up for tighter conversations.
There was a bar top around
the stove, and tatamis were strewn across the floor.
Over dinner, I joked about my efforts to find a girlfriend.
You have anyone to introduce me?
There’s one, I think she’s from Singapore. She makes tatamis.
I think her name is…
Come, take a picture of me.
Send it to her.
We eat some gyozas.
So…
does she like me?
We
laughed.
Too fast! Wait.
I waited. We put the tangy kimchi into our mouths.
I lean in and wink at the 66-year-old lady.
So, what do you like to eat?
…
男の人？(Boys?)
Ehhhhh?
We laugh more.
Seduction is a complex act.
But it’s a very important act to maintain the health of systems you are in.
No BS here. Another thing I learnt from Tong Yee.
Now now, please don’t read on if you’re easily offended. I’m not trying to be rude here.
But what struck me was the lesson.
You need to create enough seduction that allows for lubrication.
How do you lubricate the system
such that health appears?
We don’t just mean this in a sexual manner.
Rather, think of seduction in terms of its effects on the mind. For example, the main act of seduction is to
help someone to like you more than they already do.
If you look at the most well-liked people in your teams and systems, they are often consciously or unconsciously:
- Being extremely fun to be around with,
making jokes at the expense of themselves
- Being a great sport, not taking things too seriously
We love these people because they give life to those around them. Hanging around them seems to fill you with a certain joy, energy, and newfound power.
You don’t want to leave them.
So the question becomes,
can we be a little more like them?
Because being like them can be a good
guarantee for people liking you more, and being able to get more of what you’d like with the world.
1 talk
Seduction is not a dirty word. Rather, think of it in terms of psychological seduction, or guiding people to like you more.
1 tip
In a previous team, I was once so badly hated that my colleagues made a group chat without me, and called it ‘No John’.
That was the epitome of how
disliked I was.
Somehow over the past few months, I changed.
Try this:
- Be more at ease with the playful side of yourself. Make jokes, even though you know you might fail. For example, when you think of a wisecrack, say it. Don’t doubt yourself. Jokes are being comfortable with taking relational risks.
- Hold eye contact, and not constantly shift your eyes
- Be the joke - if you can’t find something to joke about, find something fun to
bring to the table. I have in store some funny stories about myself, or some funny situations I’m facing now that I keep highlighting - like my search for a life partner.
- At parties, bring something small that can bring joy to everyone else. For example, I always bring a Polaroid camera with me with Instax film, to give people a delightful picture they can take home.
Don’t just like people.
Be well liked.
John
Live Young, Live Well - Work Your Love
Think others might benefit? I’m counting on you. Forward this on.