2-3-4 Friday: If you don't feel successful..

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1 thought

Do you think you’re successful? No - honestly, touch your heart, and ask yourself,

are you proud of what you’ve done this year?

You might have come off a Christmas gathering, and you’ve heard how people say they are doing in their jobs, how they have started ‘managing a team’, and you’re looking at yourself, and you’re thinking, “well, who am I managing? My dog?”

Or you might have entered the newest home of your friend, and as he takes you through the cost of the house, the renovation, inside, you’re squirming. You’re thinking, “well, that’s stupid money they spent.”

Not because you don’t think what they have spent on is nice, but because you may not have had that money to spend.

Recently, I was at a high school gathering, and a friend - let’s call him, James, arrived late.

My classmate, let’s call him Frank, immediately goes,

oh what are you working now?

My friend pauses, wondering what this is about, and says, “oh, in consulting”.

Frank cuts to the chase.

How much you earning now?

James doesn’t bat an eyelid, and says,

oh, 200k.

Frank probes further.

Oh, low or mid 200s?

Watching this from the sidelines is awkward. Because Frank has talked about how much he earns for the past 20 minutes, and how he recently asked for a 15k/month job.

I wish he could shut up about the money already. Not just because I earned less than him, but because I was jealous - that this person could earn that amount, and I couldn't. 

But for Frank, there is no doubt - this is success. The number behind your pay doesn’t just signify the value you’re providing. It shows how much more value you’re providing, compared to others.

So Frank’s definition of success isn’t just defined on one’s individual scorecard - it’s defined by the external scorecard. How he ranks, compared to everyone else.

If we’ve read enough, and done enough self-reflection, we’d know the healthier way to define success.

1. Define your own success.
2. Stop comparing.

So why don’t we do it? People have offered - social media, the fact that we live in an advertising-led world, how it’s down to our biology to always want more.

But I also think it sometimes comes down to this.

You, me, we, don’t know what we really want.

And in the absence of that, it’s always easier to chase what others want for us.

1 talk

“If you don't know where you're going, any road will get you there.”

• Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

1 tip

1 month ago, I met a date. She asked me what I was looking for, pretty quickly. I stopped dicing my duck and tried to think hard.

I shared about how I had tried this blind dating service, and never really met someone I was really into - and she said, right off the bat,

Well, it doesn’t look like you really know what you want.

I was tempted to fling some duck at her, but stopped myself.

It struck me.

Because it was true - that even in my career, I had kept chasing what others defined as ‘better’. The 8-figure business, the international outlets, but I didn’t really care that it didn’t particularly excite me.

Only that it sounded good.

Many of us think that getting that plum job, that salary, that house, that partner, will make us happy. And maybe it will. But is that what you want, or what someone else wants of you?

How do you know if it’s what you want? Don’t just look at the work required to get there - it will be hard. But I think what’s necessary to look at is,

would you do it, even if you had nothing at the end of it?

Would you do it, just for the sake of it?

What do you do now, just for the sake of it, without expecting anything in return?

John

Live Young, Live Well - Work Your Love