2-3-4 Friday: Play more

‘Seeking to spark the most potential within you per word of any online newsletter’

1 thought

Friendzone is an interesting social enterprise in Singapore.

They started out organising conversations at the bottom of blocks, hoping to encourage young adults to talk to their neighbors, and have a better ‘kampung spirit’, which loosely translates to a sense of knowing your neighbours, looking out for them, and feeling like you belonged.

These conversations would begin with you introducing yourself, and then move a little deeper with reflective questions, but sit through enough of their events, and you’d realise that it gets a little repetitive.

Yet they still go strong, after 5 years. What’s happening here? Recently they introduced a programme called the School of Yapping, where a 4-part workshop cost $120, just to teach people how to make friends and do small talk.

It forced a think:

have our conversation skills atrophied that much that we are no longer able to make friends without being taught?

How have we lost those skills?

Another story. Every weekend, I play soccer at the bottom of the block. 

Recently, I noticed that amongst the players there were no Chinese people. 15 players, and I was the only Chinese.

There, we see many things we now take for granted. When one team has been kicked out, they are sat around, discussing tactics, or shooting the wind with jokes.

But just go to a restaurant today, where you see kids around a table, tapping furiously on their phones, and you’d realise that these social skills aren’t natural.

Seeing this racial disparity in the parks, or out playing, is a common phenomenon. Go round the parks in Singapore, and you’d see Chinese parents closely following their child, whilst the Indian parent sits with other parents, whilst their child runs all over the park. Chinese parents can be more protective of their children, and prevent them from running out late without supervision.

It’s where the image of the stereotypical ‘helicopter parent’ comes about. 

The Chinese child, sitting with his parents for dinner, going back home on a Saturday night, and revising for his exams. On the other hand, my competitors on the soccer court had more independence in seeking out play, and were not as closely supervised.

There’s no study about how the different races do in terms of social interaction, but I’d posit that the one who plays more in-person from a young age, makes stronger, and easier friendships.

As children if we don’t play, as adults, it becomes even harder to “play”. This doesn’t refer to single-player mobile games. Rather, it refers to those in-person board games, sports, which require us to be in the messy middle of interactions. Where you’d feel angry with the person who did the wrong pass, where you’d feel frustrated that the person didn’t pass to you, where you’d yell at the person for placing a foot wrong.

All these interactions are practice, but it’s so unfortunate that sometimes, we see it as good-to-haves, unnecessary, and missable.

1 talk

"Let them run around in the parks and playgrounds.

Give them space to explore on their own, to try, take some knocks, and get back up again.

Through it all, they can learn, grow and gain confidence in the real world, not the virtual one"

• Singapore’s Prime Minister Lawrence Wong, 2025 National Day Rally

1 tip

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve forgotten how to play over the years. Throughout COVID, I would sit at home, read Harvard Business Review, self-help books, watch business seminars, and wonder how to grow my fledgling business. On weekends, I would watch Netflix.

I saw my relational skills atrophy. I became scared of speaking to my colleagues, and would say less than 20 words a day to them. During lunches, I would sit quietly, not quite sure how to open a conversation.

It was not until July 2022, when I saw some kids at the street soccer court, and became piqued by the idea of kicking a ball again. After 3 weeks of looking at them, and then cycling away out of embarrassment (what would they think of an old man wanting to play with them!), I finally plucked up the courage to ask to play with kids half my age, at the street soccer court.

But those soccer court games have taught me more about life, than any other book. Cliche to say, but hear this. In my second month of playing, I was frustrated at a teammate’s lackadaisical way of playing. He was slacking, not putting his best effort, and we knew it. I shouted at him, “Eh, if you don’t want to play properly, get out!”

For the first time, play had taught me to properly feel my anger, and express it.

Learning how to play again as an adult taught me this, but the lessons would be unique for each of you.

So this year, rather than working harder, why not play harder at a team sport, like regular pickup games of basketball, frisbee, or soccer?

You can find many such groups on Meetup. 

Winning is not the point. Nor is picking up 'skills'. It's just about letting go, and being looser. 

You’d just be surprised.

John

Live Young, Live Well - Work Your Love