2-3-4 Friday: Learning to need

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1 thought

Scene 1.

After the training, I stole a quick run to the toilet.

But when I came out of the toilet, my friend had left. I left lonely, and I was tempted to just step on the feeling, and leave.

But I knew what would result. I would go home, feeling empty, and worse.

I picked up the phone and quickly called my friend, asking if he was still nearby. I ran to catch him at the bus stop.

Scene 2.

The meeting has just ended. Everyone is talking in their own quiet circles. 

They look interested in each other.

Why would they be interested in you? You wonder if you’d be disturbing them if you just walked in on their circle. What would they think of you? Like some petulant, stupid child who doesn’t know social cues?

You pretend to take coffee. Then some food. You go to your bag, and you aren’t quite sure whether to stay or to go. What’s the point of staying?

They don’t seem to want you there anyway.

So you go.

Why are we so shy with people, even though we desperately want them to be a part of our lives? Why are we so afraid of asking?

I think the answer given is that we think we would bother them, but I think the more accurate answer is to say that we put our needs aside.

As Brene Brown points out,

we need to learn to need.

Over the years, I’ve learnt to be a Lone Ranger. There’s something incredibly sexy about that. To be that man, alone, striving, fighting, and hunting alone.

Hat tip to Tong Yee for pointing this out.

I’m paraphrasing what he said.

Why do lone wolves hunt alone?

Because they believe they are better, faster and leaner than a full pack.

If you’re mediocre, join a pack to survive.

If you (believe you’re) better, you hunt alone.

So as humans, and more specifically, men, we always need to resist that urge to hunt alone.

To be alone, to walk alone, to think that we don’t need anyone else.

And to really be humble sometimes in picking up that call and just calling someone back, even though it might seem embarrassing to make bids for connections.

It’s not really because we want connection.

It’s because we need it.

1 talk

We need to learn to need.

1 tip

It’s okay to think you’re better than others, that you don’t need anyone. You probably don’t.

Recently I was asking a friend,

what are we doing here, as friends?

Why are we meeting? What are we accomplishing?

Is there a point to this?

On the surface, no, not really. It seems a frantic waste of time, particularly when we look at how busy our lives already are.

But friendships serve a vital function, because they remind us that we don’t always need to need.

We also can give. Especially when life gets better.

So make it a habit to just ask people out. Even when you don’t need it.

Because you just might save someone’s life.

John

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