2-3-4 Friday: How to keep doing good?

‘Seeking to spark the most potential within you per word of any online newsletter’

1 thought

Dear friend, thank you for doing your bit of good for people, and organisations over the years. It’s always unspoken, always underestimated, but that’s not to say it’s unimportant.

But it can feel that way, especially when there’s always little validation. So this email hopefully brings you some practical hope, and handles in keeping whatever good you’re doing alive, and encouraged.

I used to be a social worker. But I soon realised that I was probably the worst one anyone could get. In one instance, I had established a good relationship with one client. But one evening, as we were sitting in a combined poetry class, I noticed him using his phone. I brusquely said,

eh, programme cannot use phone.

He looked at me, and stared me down for the next 10 seconds. The ones around him thought we were going to get into a fight. I quickly said,

sorry, sorry. Relax.

But as I reflected on what had gone on that night, I realised he was disturbed not because I had called him out, but because I had openly shamed him.

I’d left him no dignity.

As humans, we all want, and desire dignity. We want to feel respected for what we do.

You remember that time when you sat in a meeting, having prepared for a few days the deck, and your boss barely even making mention of it? Or the times you gave sleepless nights worrying about a particular outcome, achieving it, and then having someone else take the credit?

Or worse still, the time where you’re openly called out and criticized, left with no face in front of others?

Well, those are the times where you’d lost some of your dignity.

Teo You Yenn, in her book “This is What Inequality Looks Like” says,

Dignity is like clean air.

You won’t know it’s gone - until it is.

And this is alot of what doing good is about.

Giving people clean air to breathe.

I don’t think we theoretically disagree with the notion of giving people dignity. But why is it so hard for people to still find the dignity?

1. We know we can’t control what people think.
2. We can’t change what people feel.

So how we can be little spots of clean air, wherever we go?

1 talk

Dignity is like clean air.

You don’t know you’ve lost it till it’s gone.

1 tip

Be willing to ask, and receive. I saw this most pertinently with a woman founder who’s been running a ground-up initiative around her neighbourhood. In that initiative, they open up tables by the roadside every month, and invite neighbors from around the block to play games, slide down the playground, and chat over some food. In that WhatsApp group, I saw a message today sharing that someone in the community had a broken mini-fridge.

This woman founder was now asking for a fridge on behalf of him.

From one angle, I thought,

this founder is very well-to-do. Can’t she just buy the fridge and send it to him?

But then I realised doing that wouldn’t help.

Because it would enable the continued dependence of the community on her, rather than allowing it to be self-sustaining.

So as contrarian as this sounds, in doing good, it’s sometimes learning when to step back, so that others can help.

Because you and I can’t save the world - but with others, we might just have a better chance.

If you don’t make those asks, activate the community, and get their help, you would find yourself, bitter, and sour.

I will close with this story. In October 2021, in my last ever visit to a family I was working with, the mother in the family told me she’d treat me to dinner. I was sheepish. They were earning $1200 a month, and it was difficult enough to survive. That night, she brought me to a restaurant from her hometown. Hearing her laugh, and banter with those colleagues from her hometown, in her native tongue, I finally saw her for who she was.

Not a needy client, but someone who could also give back.

And so sometimes, doing good is about taking a step back, and letting others have the space to build, and breathe their own air.

It’s not about smothering and suffocating them with your help and love.

So the question becomes, 

• How can I help him help himself? NOT
• How can I help him?

John

Live Young, Live Well - Work Your Love