2-3-4 Friday

‘Seeking to spark the most potential within you per word of any online newsletter’

1 thought

One book that changed my life this year is Dr Glover’s ‘No More Mr Nice Guy’. Glover is a therapist, who works mostly with men, and you would be surprised to see a therapist write this.

No more Mr Nice Guy?! Isn’t being a nice person, well, nice?

Nope, not for Glover. He writes,

these men tend to swing back and forth between being nice and not-so-nice. I have listened to countless wives, partners and girlfriends describe the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde qualities of Nice Guys.

Whilst being nice on the outside, giving in to others, not trying to enforce their will on someone else, they also hide what they want. And these negative traits end up swinging out into the open, when there’s a trigger.

Me too. I used to think that being nice was the best thing I could ever be. When people came late, I would just say, “That’s okay”, even though I was simmering inside. Or I would give in to someone else’s request even though I had my own views.

This unhappiness would leak out somehow.

There’s a better way.

An integrated man is able to embrace everything that makes him uniquely male: his power, his assertiveness, his courage, and his passion as well as his imperfections, his mistakes, and his dark side.

This doesn’t only apply to men.

But everyone. It starts with embracing one’s ‘dark’ side, the assertiveness, power and courage you have within. Rather than always giving in, make it clear what you want. Push and fight for what you want.

Telling people what you want is not a bad thing. You can’t expect people to read your mind.

The most important thing is being willing to embrace andenforce your sense of self. Rather than constantly giving in, assert your boundaries and tell people what you’re made unhappy by. Don’t simmer underneath.

And lash out when it’s too late.

1 talk

IF I can hide my flaws and become what I think others want me to be,

THEN I will be loved, get my needs met, and have a problem- free life.

Even when this paradigm is ineffective, Nice Guys only see one alternative: try harder.

Dr Glover, No More Mr Nice Guy

1 tip

For the next one week, stop pleasing people. Have a default no approach.

Someone wants you to clear the trash? No.

Someone wants you to do them a favour? No.

Someone wants your help on a project? No.

You may see this as the classic making of an as#hole, but there’s an important principle behind it.

Are you doing these things to seek approval, or because you really want to help? Giving out of abundance, rather than lack, is the first way to love again. Anytime you find yourself simmering with resentment on doing a ‘nice’ favour, you’re on the wrong side. You’ve the wrong motivations for doing something.

Because if you really wanted to help, you wouldn’t hate it that much.

Would you?

P.S. Want to think differently about a problem you're facing? Let’s chat (and no worries, there's no fee!)

John

Live Young, Live Well - Work Your Love